Too late.. too early.. too pressured.

So the previous post should be posted last Sunday but then WordPress wouldn’t allow me since there was this really stupid connection or whatever you call that.

I talked to #him yesterday about the whole issue between what he said to Nash. Because he told Nash that he would give me 1 week to improve myself to not get jealous so he would court me. I know it’s awkward, but I really love him.

He first chose her but then we talked about the 1 week and he said I don’t want it, but I realized I have to tell him the truth. So, I did. I said, I wanted it to continue. Then, he said.. Okay, 1 week. So a deal was still a deal.

Anyways, hearing all those fvcking rumors made me feel like a dumb lady. There’s a lot of story to tell. My classmates have been deserted because the problems are all interconnected. Some of my closest friends in the classroom and I planned something against #her. I didn’t mean to be that rude. But everything’s working. I don’t wanna mention all the stuff here since this is a blog and it’s so public.

I promise tomorrow will be a better day. Next week, I will be the one he’ll choose. Think positive! 🙂 And he told Nash that he wouldn’t disappoint her for his answer. Well, stay tuned..

From ‘We’re done, it’s over.’ to ‘We’re okay, let’s start over.”

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooosh!

 

What a week. Last Friday we had our Cosplay/Character Day and I was Mulan. Er, okay, I really don’t know what to say in front while sitting on the author’s chair since I didn’t prepare anything. I said random stuffs like, “Oh well, she’s brave enough to…” and “We have the same qualities like..” I was so disappointed with my self. Anyways, the new girl presented great or maybe amazing for some. She kinda retold the story about her character. I don’t care and #him was saying stuff like, ‘Yes.. that’s right.’ jokingly.I was indeed jealous and when Angel talked to #him and Ivan I guess all I could do was listen to Nash’s music in her phone while she was covering my ears while they talk about the new girl. It was so awkward when I saw them stopped talking when I was rhythmically saying lalalala wahahaha weee weee and etc..

 

Okay that was just a total fool out of me. #him and I turned out to be fine last Friday and it did felt good having him around again. I missed him so much. He was just.. completely handsome that day. With his white shirt inside his coat.. *sighs dreamily. He was dang formal and he looked so H O T. Even Kc agreed. I figured some secrets about #him and the new girl : He wasn’t serious and his friends were just playing a joke between #him and her. I yelled, YES! that time. Skip, skip, skip.. We held hands, we took a picture but then I deleted it and when Nash told him to take another picture with me, he agreed but then I didn’t. Anyways, the holding hands part was so fantastic. I feel so.. I don’t know how I could explain such feeling. You know, that feeling when your world stops and all you wanna do is cuddle with him with the butterflies in your stomach and your mind couldn’t stop thinking about him? Yes, that kind of feeling.

 

Alhamdulillah. My life’s pretty much fine now.

My costume for tomorrow! :)

So, tomorrow we will have this costume activity. It requires all of the students to wear something that represents yourself, your inspirational character or a character from a literary book or movie.

My first choice :

Nancy Drew

I had to change my costume because I thought it would be so much cool if I would be a goddess like Athena, my friend who will actually be Goddess Athena. So my second choice was :

Artemis, Goddess of the Wild.

I had to change it again since my costume-slash-gown didn’t fit Artemis’ character. My gown was this :

And since Mom sent me an SMS telling me that I have another gown which is color orange, so Athena told me that I should be this :

Mulan

 

So yeaaaaah. Anyways, I will watch Mulan since I never understood the story before. LOL.

It’s not over, yet.

I wasn’t expecting what I would be hearing this day. Nash told Mona that she heard Angel said that if the new girl would prove to #him that she does really like him, he would court her. I was so disappointed and hurt. It made me want to cry. But I again I tried not to because that would be so weak of me.

I talked to Steffi, #him’s ex-girlfriend a long time ago when we were still in elementary school. She’s really good at giving advice. I learned a lot of stuff even if some of the words that she told me is really hard for me to accept and to learn from it. She’s in her 1st year but she knows a lot of things than me. Of course, she’s got lots of experience. Anyways, she gave me three options : Move on, Go for it, and Stay as you are. When I asked Eena, my cousin and who’s also a friend of hers, she chose “Go for it.” But Steffi chose, Move on even if she’s really into choice letter b, which is Go for it.

My choice? It’s to move on with giving the chance to go for it and to act the same way as I am. The same? Yes. Tomorrow, I’m going to stick up to this : “I’m so happy because of my friends and #him.” I will now think positive. Anjelo told me that I’m always saying “What IFs” and stuff like that. Then, I believe others easily the get jealous quickly. It’s no wonder why #him kinda got turned off. I do believe that he still loves me but is just shy and well, trying to test me and see what my reaction would be if he’ll make me jealous using the new girl. I acted normal, just the quirky me. Nothing happened, except he kept on doing it. Steffi said I need to observe for the next few days. If it still happens, she said I needed to confront him. I agree, though. It’s just I didn’t do what Athena told me to do, she said I needed to talk to #him by staring. #him and I got real close by staring, just looking at each other’s eyes.. and being quickly developed.. and those stuff.

If ever someone asks me if I’m jealous because of #him and the new girl, I’d say, “No. I’m just mad at two people. But not them. I don’t blame the girl.” – I guess it’s pretty reasonable? Ergh. I don’t know. But tomorrow will be better.

New girl.

Okay, my friend issues are done. Like they are totally finished with me. I guess the storm has gone over to Kc. She’s having problems because her friends doesn’t like the guy she likes. Anyways, we have another new classmate.

I don’t want to mention her name. It’s really public, I mean.. yes, I’ve been mentioning my friends and classmates names but then, I won’t mind because I kept this site as my little diary. I will show it soon to my friends if I’m done with this construction stuff. So, this new girl was linked to #him and I’m so devastated. I hated it. I was so jealous that I didn’t even wanted to talk to anybody. Even if #him was talking, teasing, poking, smiling, staring, and chasing me.

I really didn’t give a damn about it. I guess #him noticed that I was jealous because when he asked me what was Ivan and I talking about, I told him that I was jealous.. he asked, “to whom? to *****?” I was like, “why does it always have to be her?” then he replied, “Are you jealous?” Okay, seriously.. Ivan and I laughed. It was really obvious. But still, I didn’t admit it. I still wanted to rip her head off but then.. she’s new. I need to act nice as I can. Plus, I’m the Vice President in our classroom and I shouldn’t be so mean to the new kids.

I don’t want to be plastic, for real. Because.. I like being nice and I like nice people. I’ll try my best though.. to be sweet and nice and to be myself. Just be my own little self. 🙂

When everything gets back to normal.

I was so happy when I figured out this afternoon that Athena and Jepay are friends again. Woohoo! I was so glad that Larry walked me by the ramp with #him and Ariez. It was really sweet of him. It did actually made me feel bad when #him was teasing me that we would be a good couple. Then, when Larry called me to their table at the cafeteria, he was there. Larry thought I should have treated him some food but then he was wrong. I teased, “Hala. Andito ka man.” to #him he didn’t even look at me. It was devastating. Finally, I realized he was talking to some other girls which made me furious in secret.

I acted mean in the afternoon classes we had to #him. It did made me feel better. I really don’t know *shrugs. It was really amazing how I put my trust in Allah when I prayed last night and kaboom, my prayers have been answered. Maybe not all, but for the fight between Athena and Jepay.. it did worked and with the fight I’m in with Nicole. It’s wonderful how easy it can be.

It’s so stupid when my brother .. is so annoying. Won’t mention anything anymore. He ruined my night again. I hate him!!

Still friends.

Today wasn’t such a good day. My friends were really deserted and so am I. I don’t even know where I should be going. Should I be with Regis or with my friends? Seriously, it was hard. First, there was Athena and Jepay’s issue. I admit I should haven’t told Athena about the secret but she’s my also my friend. I swear, I couldn’t keep secrets to myself. 

It was lunch when Kc and I had an argument and all the people were staring at us. I was glad #him wasn’t there at all and there was also no sign of his friends. Seniors were telling us to stop what were doing. I really don’t care of my reputation as long as I’m with my friends, it’s cool. Our argument was about Jepay and Athena. Athena didn’t want to seat with Jepay with us in the same table, she decided that she’d rather be alone. I wasn’t going to let that happen.. I was wrong though because Kc laughed in the middle of our argument. It’s just we don’t really get along with fights, we’re not good at it when the fight’s between us. We both laugh, actually. Athena went upstairs and we were left with Jepay and the others. So we ate lunch, awkwardly. I did miss Athena, though.

It was in PE class when Nicole told me about this guy in the other section. I teased her and called the boy whom she actually really hates and told that guy that she likes him. She was mad at me. I was really sorry, I didn’t want us to fight. I actually thought that she was just playing around but I was wrong; she was serious. The next thing I knew she talked with my other so-called friends inside the classroom. I felt bad about it because I thought she back stabbed me. Well, whatever. When we were performing our dance, she kinda talked to me and we both laughed at Rhei when the closing happened. It was good? I guess.

 

I really hope the things that are going on between me and my friends would really stop. Like, everything would be okay. Stop. Back to normal. Boom. I wish life would be like that. Just simple.. Wishing there would be a time machine. I regret what I did to Nicole, and I wish she would forgive me tomorrow. I’ll be nicer to everyone. I promise.  And for Athena and Jepay, I wish they would talk already. 

My crush is so crazy. He keeps on teasing me. It was really awkward when I saw my name still on his contacts. It was ‘ADZU N’. Nash told him that I was mad because it was just that. Bang, he told us that his mom checks his phone and his mom knows me. Yes, his mom knows me because of basketball and stuff stuff stuff. I’m glad he was honest [?] with that. I do believe him. Okay, we were playing with each other and I like it. I thought he was mad at me but I was wrong. Anyways, I wish everything would be okay now. 

P.S. Tomorrow will be fine. I will stick to it.