It’s not over, yet.

I wasn’t expecting what I would be hearing this day. Nash told Mona that she heard Angel said that if the new girl would prove to #him that she does really like him, he would court her. I was so disappointed and hurt. It made me want to cry. But I again I tried not to because that would be so weak of me.

I talked to Steffi, #him’s ex-girlfriend a long time ago when we were still in elementary school. She’s really good at giving advice. I learned a lot of stuff even if some of the words that she told me is really hard for me to accept and to learn from it. She’s in her 1st year but she knows a lot of things than me. Of course, she’s got lots of experience. Anyways, she gave me three options : Move on, Go for it, and Stay as you are. When I asked Eena, my cousin and who’s also a friend of hers, she chose “Go for it.” But Steffi chose, Move on even if she’s really into choice letter b, which is Go for it.

My choice? It’s to move on with giving the chance to go for it and to act the same way as I am. The same? Yes. Tomorrow, I’m going to stick up to this : “I’m so happy because of my friends and #him.” I will now think positive. Anjelo told me that I’m always saying “What IFs” and stuff like that. Then, I believe others easily the get jealous quickly. It’s no wonder why #him kinda got turned off. I do believe that he still loves me but is just shy and well, trying to test me and see what my reaction would be if he’ll make me jealous using the new girl. I acted normal, just the quirky me. Nothing happened, except he kept on doing it. Steffi said I need to observe for the next few days. If it still happens, she said I needed to confront him. I agree, though. It’s just I didn’t do what Athena told me to do, she said I needed to talk to #him by staring. #him and I got real close by staring, just looking at each other’s eyes.. and being quickly developed.. and those stuff.

If ever someone asks me if I’m jealous because of #him and the new girl, I’d say, “No. I’m just mad at two people. But not them. I don’t blame the girl.” – I guess it’s pretty reasonable? Ergh. I don’t know. But tomorrow will be better.

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New girl.

Okay, my friend issues are done. Like they are totally finished with me. I guess the storm has gone over to Kc. She’s having problems because her friends doesn’t like the guy she likes. Anyways, we have another new classmate.

I don’t want to mention her name. It’s really public, I mean.. yes, I’ve been mentioning my friends and classmates names but then, I won’t mind because I kept this site as my little diary. I will show it soon to my friends if I’m done with this construction stuff. So, this new girl was linked to #him and I’m so devastated. I hated it. I was so jealous that I didn’t even wanted to talk to anybody. Even if #him was talking, teasing, poking, smiling, staring, and chasing me.

I really didn’t give a damn about it. I guess #him noticed that I was jealous because when he asked me what was Ivan and I talking about, I told him that I was jealous.. he asked, “to whom? to *****?” I was like, “why does it always have to be her?” then he replied, “Are you jealous?” Okay, seriously.. Ivan and I laughed. It was really obvious. But still, I didn’t admit it. I still wanted to rip her head off but then.. she’s new. I need to act nice as I can. Plus, I’m the Vice President in our classroom and I shouldn’t be so mean to the new kids.

I don’t want to be plastic, for real. Because.. I like being nice and I like nice people. I’ll try my best though.. to be sweet and nice and to be myself. Just be my own little self. ūüôā

When everything gets back to normal.

I was so happy when I figured out this afternoon that Athena and Jepay are friends again. Woohoo! I was so glad that Larry walked me by the ramp with #him and Ariez. It was really sweet of him. It did actually made me feel bad when #him was teasing me that we would be a good couple. Then, when Larry called me to their table at the cafeteria, he was there. Larry thought I should have treated him some food but then he was wrong. I teased, “Hala. Andito ka man.” to #him he didn’t even look at me. It was devastating. Finally, I realized he was talking to some other girls which made me furious in secret.

I acted mean in the afternoon classes we had to #him. It did made me feel better. I really don’t know *shrugs. It was really amazing how I put my trust in Allah when I prayed last night and kaboom, my prayers have been answered. Maybe not all, but for the fight between Athena and Jepay.. it did worked and with the fight I’m in with Nicole. It’s wonderful how easy it can be.

It’s so stupid when my brother .. is so annoying. Won’t mention anything anymore. He ruined my night again. I hate him!!

Still friends.

Today wasn’t such a good day. My friends were really deserted and so am I. I don’t even know where I should be going. Should I be with Regis or with my friends? Seriously, it was hard. First, there was Athena and Jepay’s issue. I admit I should haven’t told Athena about the secret but she’s my also my friend. I swear, I couldn’t keep secrets to myself.¬†

It was lunch when Kc and I had an argument and all the people were staring at us. I was glad #him wasn’t there at all and there was also no sign of his friends. Seniors were telling us to stop what were doing. I really don’t care of my reputation as long as I’m with my friends, it’s cool. Our argument was about Jepay and Athena. Athena didn’t want to seat with Jepay with us in the same table, she decided that she’d rather be alone. I wasn’t going to let that happen.. I was wrong though because Kc laughed in the middle of our argument. It’s just we don’t really get along with fights, we’re not good at it when the fight’s between us. We both laugh, actually. Athena went upstairs and we were left with Jepay and the others. So we ate lunch, awkwardly. I did miss Athena, though.

It was in PE class when Nicole told me about this guy in the other section. I teased her and called the boy whom she actually really hates and told that guy that she likes him. She was mad at me. I was really sorry, I didn’t want us to fight. I actually thought that she was just playing around but I was wrong; she was serious. The next thing I knew she talked with my other so-called friends inside the classroom. I felt bad about it because I thought she¬†back stabbed¬†me. Well, whatever. When we were performing our dance, she kinda talked to me and we both laughed at Rhei when the closing happened. It was good? I guess.

 

I really hope the things that are going on between me and my friends would really stop. Like, everything would be okay. Stop. Back to normal. Boom. I wish life would be like that. Just simple.. Wishing there would be a time machine. I regret what I did to Nicole, and I wish she would forgive me tomorrow. I’ll be nicer to everyone. I promise. ¬†And for Athena and Jepay, I wish they would talk already.¬†

My crush is so crazy. He keeps on teasing me. It was really awkward when I saw my name still on his contacts. It was ‘ADZU N’. Nash told him that I was mad because it was just that. Bang, he told us that his mom checks his phone and his mom knows me. Yes, his mom knows me because of basketball and stuff stuff stuff. I’m glad he was honest [?] with that. I do believe him. Okay, we were playing with each other and I like it. I thought he was mad at me but I was wrong. Anyways, I wish everything would be okay now.¬†

P.S. Tomorrow will be fine. I will stick to it. 

“Loving you is like breathing.. how can I stop?” – #him

I like this guy. No one knew except for me and my two lovely best friends.

I never expected he would like me back. It was a sunny day on a busy Monday.

Just a day after my birthday.. July 10.

A week after that, my crush started talking to me. His friends were teasing me that¬†he likes me. It was then I did believed them, a little. My crush started to walk with¬†me down the ramp in our school, with his arms around me, his friends ¬†with my¬†girl friends, and him smiling like a fool. ¬†July was a really happy month for me.¬†He asked for my number from my friend and we started communicating with¬†each other every night. ‘I love you’s and ‘I love you’ too, more, most, forever etc.¬†was sent. Warmth of love was what I felt.

Days went on. Then August came.. giving me a rush of hope that he’ll be doing the same things to me. I was wrong. August didn’t work out well for me. Rumors was spread throughout the room that we’re together. Three of my friends ¬†in the classroom told me that my crush doesn’t really love me. He was just using and playing me. I cried myself to sleep and blamed myself that if I didn’t push him away when he was with me it wouldn’t have been this way.¬†Lies, lies, lies.. I told myself. I pretended that I believe them.

We didn’t communicate with each other. I thought I should have move on. I was wrong, again. He told me ‘I love you’ in person in front of my friends and one best friend. I was flattered. Lovely as it is, rage and fury flow through me when my best friends told me that one of their friends told them that my crush was just using and playing me. They said they saw it in a text message. That was proof. I wanted to move on. I needed to move on. But, did I?

A friend of his and mine who acted out as a bridge between us told me that I shouldn’t believe people easily without me hearing the truth from him. She was right. I know I have to ask but it would be awkward for me since we’re becoming kinda friends now.. like how he started talking to me at school. He was teasing me because of my cheekbones. And now?

We’re like kids. Playing, teasing, laughing at each other. I do feel like the “friend” vibe now. Not more than that anymore. I just wish he would change the friend vibe into something more. Something we never had before, something we both missed.. This afternoon, I kinda had a feeling that he was looking at his crush, or his ex-crush last year. I feel that he still likes her, just a bit though. He courted her last year but then he got busted.

I mean, why not me? Soon please. I can feel it. #lol