It’s really over. This game is done.

Today was the worst day ever. #him proposed to #her at school today. I couldn’t help but cry during the English Speech Fest. It was then, I realized I gave up everything when I started to love him. I realized I needed and supposed to join the Extemporaneous Speaking this year because I made a promise to myself that I would defeat Debra. Last year I was part of it luckily thanks to Sir Von. But what happened? It was all because of #him. #him. #him. I regretted falling in love with him and now they’re together. Like, boyfriend and girlfriend already.

I’m tired of crying. My friends told me he wasn’t worth it and my tears are just wasted because of him. I don’t deserve somebody like him. Some guy out there deserves my love but I just couldn’t find him yet.. Not now. Crying helped me a lot out there at the lobby. And I can’t believe I took #him so seriously. It was so stupid of me.

This afternoon I argued with Nash because I took her joke seriously. She told me that they would have to call #her “Mommy”. Nash, Mona and Pat call me “Mommy” or “Mom” because #him was their “Daddy” or “Dad” and we’re one family. I was so furious that I could out of the building. Before that, Nash told #him that we don’t have anything to do anymore because he chose her and it’s over. #him said that whatever happens, they’re still his daughters. Yeah, whatever. Nash and I were finally okay when it was dismissal and I couldn’t help but play around with her. She’s really nice 🙂

I have one thing in mind though : To change for good. I am going to lose weight and improve my attitude, especially my jealousy and insecurities. I realized, er, that they do make a person real ugly. I’m going to happy. Starting now 🙂

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Love stories

Hi! How’s everyone doing? 🙂

I have been happy with my friends because of all those crazy stuff we all did together. I thank them so much for being there for me. Even though they know how much I couldn’t stop blabbering about #him. #him and I are kinda friends now. Kinda. I don’t know. We talk and tease. Just like the things we do before. I asked Nash a question this afternoon, “I wanted to leave him. I couldn’t. Shouldn’t he be staying away from me and not doing those stuff? Why doesn’t he want to leave?” She answered, “Because he does not want to forget about you.” Yesterday, #him told Nash that he misses me and the thing we had before. I do miss him, too. But I guess, feelings do change.. ? Or they do stay the same.

Anyways, since I’m fine with my love life and the rest of the happenings in my life, (except for the friendship part. Some of my friends are arguing about someone and something.) and I’m really happy.. but not that contented and satisfied. Just living the life I should be living.

I realized I don’t download movies anymore. I’ve been downloading Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2 : Rodrick Rules for more than 2 weeks and it’s not yet finished. How dumb, eh? So, I asked for a movie suggestion on my twitter account and gladly my cousin said that “Love Julinsee” is a must and she said I needed to download it. I’m still searching for some English subtitles since it’s a Thai movie and I don’t understand their language. #lol 😀

This is my first time to use an image URL! 🙂

I can’t wait to watch this movie. It’s about teenagers who experienced different kinds of love relationships. I really am going to download it. Thai movies are the best in my opinion after English movies. I am a Filipino but I love Thai and English movies they’re just really awesome.

Is it fading?

So today.. my classmates and I got into a really big trouble. I don’t wanna share and share it anymore. It’s really tiring and believe me, I really wanna sleep. So, today all the plans my friends and I are planning for has totally gone out. It has come out. Drago told Angel, Amber, Butchie, #him and Nicole and #him this afternoon. I didn’t know what to do because some girls were crying already and it was really awkward. I even saw #him gave me a look like, “this-is-your-fault-that’s-why-you-should-have-not-been-so-jealous.” kind of look.

Okay, puke. Seriously. It was pure drama and such. They won because Nash was the only one talking and Mona wouldn’t dare to talk because she was so angry. Actually, what I meant by “they” is #her’s team. It sucks to realize that he chose her. It was really obvious. Tomorrow he will be deciding between me and #her and I’m thinking real positive this time that he would choose me. But obviously, I know it’s still gonna be her. He’ll regret this, though. I know he will. He said sorry to Nash because of what he did or I don’t know, particularly.

Tomorrow, will be a wonderful day and he will choose me against her. He will realize that I did join the plan because I want him. I really do. It will be a wonderful day tomorrow. A new start from a long journey.

Too late.. too early.. too pressured.

So the previous post should be posted last Sunday but then WordPress wouldn’t allow me since there was this really stupid connection or whatever you call that.

I talked to #him yesterday about the whole issue between what he said to Nash. Because he told Nash that he would give me 1 week to improve myself to not get jealous so he would court me. I know it’s awkward, but I really love him.

He first chose her but then we talked about the 1 week and he said I don’t want it, but I realized I have to tell him the truth. So, I did. I said, I wanted it to continue. Then, he said.. Okay, 1 week. So a deal was still a deal.

Anyways, hearing all those fvcking rumors made me feel like a dumb lady. There’s a lot of story to tell. My classmates have been deserted because the problems are all interconnected. Some of my closest friends in the classroom and I planned something against #her. I didn’t mean to be that rude. But everything’s working. I don’t wanna mention all the stuff here since this is a blog and it’s so public.

I promise tomorrow will be a better day. Next week, I will be the one he’ll choose. Think positive! 🙂 And he told Nash that he wouldn’t disappoint her for his answer. Well, stay tuned..

From ‘We’re done, it’s over.’ to ‘We’re okay, let’s start over.”

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooosh!

 

What a week. Last Friday we had our Cosplay/Character Day and I was Mulan. Er, okay, I really don’t know what to say in front while sitting on the author’s chair since I didn’t prepare anything. I said random stuffs like, “Oh well, she’s brave enough to…” and “We have the same qualities like..” I was so disappointed with my self. Anyways, the new girl presented great or maybe amazing for some. She kinda retold the story about her character. I don’t care and #him was saying stuff like, ‘Yes.. that’s right.’ jokingly.I was indeed jealous and when Angel talked to #him and Ivan I guess all I could do was listen to Nash’s music in her phone while she was covering my ears while they talk about the new girl. It was so awkward when I saw them stopped talking when I was rhythmically saying lalalala wahahaha weee weee and etc..

 

Okay that was just a total fool out of me. #him and I turned out to be fine last Friday and it did felt good having him around again. I missed him so much. He was just.. completely handsome that day. With his white shirt inside his coat.. *sighs dreamily. He was dang formal and he looked so H O T. Even Kc agreed. I figured some secrets about #him and the new girl : He wasn’t serious and his friends were just playing a joke between #him and her. I yelled, YES! that time. Skip, skip, skip.. We held hands, we took a picture but then I deleted it and when Nash told him to take another picture with me, he agreed but then I didn’t. Anyways, the holding hands part was so fantastic. I feel so.. I don’t know how I could explain such feeling. You know, that feeling when your world stops and all you wanna do is cuddle with him with the butterflies in your stomach and your mind couldn’t stop thinking about him? Yes, that kind of feeling.

 

Alhamdulillah. My life’s pretty much fine now.

My costume for tomorrow! :)

So, tomorrow we will have this costume activity. It requires all of the students to wear something that represents yourself, your inspirational character or a character from a literary book or movie.

My first choice :

Nancy Drew

I had to change my costume because I thought it would be so much cool if I would be a goddess like Athena, my friend who will actually be Goddess Athena. So my second choice was :

Artemis, Goddess of the Wild.

I had to change it again since my costume-slash-gown didn’t fit Artemis’ character. My gown was this :

And since Mom sent me an SMS telling me that I have another gown which is color orange, so Athena told me that I should be this :

Mulan

 

So yeaaaaah. Anyways, I will watch Mulan since I never understood the story before. LOL.

It’s not over, yet.

I wasn’t expecting what I would be hearing this day. Nash told Mona that she heard Angel said that if the new girl would prove to #him that she does really like him, he would court her. I was so disappointed and hurt. It made me want to cry. But I again I tried not to because that would be so weak of me.

I talked to Steffi, #him’s ex-girlfriend a long time ago when we were still in elementary school. She’s really good at giving advice. I learned a lot of stuff even if some of the words that she told me is really hard for me to accept and to learn from it. She’s in her 1st year but she knows a lot of things than me. Of course, she’s got lots of experience. Anyways, she gave me three options : Move on, Go for it, and Stay as you are. When I asked Eena, my cousin and who’s also a friend of hers, she chose “Go for it.” But Steffi chose, Move on even if she’s really into choice letter b, which is Go for it.

My choice? It’s to move on with giving the chance to go for it and to act the same way as I am. The same? Yes. Tomorrow, I’m going to stick up to this : “I’m so happy because of my friends and #him.” I will now think positive. Anjelo told me that I’m always saying “What IFs” and stuff like that. Then, I believe others easily the get jealous quickly. It’s no wonder why #him kinda got turned off. I do believe that he still loves me but is just shy and well, trying to test me and see what my reaction would be if he’ll make me jealous using the new girl. I acted normal, just the quirky me. Nothing happened, except he kept on doing it. Steffi said I need to observe for the next few days. If it still happens, she said I needed to confront him. I agree, though. It’s just I didn’t do what Athena told me to do, she said I needed to talk to #him by staring. #him and I got real close by staring, just looking at each other’s eyes.. and being quickly developed.. and those stuff.

If ever someone asks me if I’m jealous because of #him and the new girl, I’d say, “No. I’m just mad at two people. But not them. I don’t blame the girl.” – I guess it’s pretty reasonable? Ergh. I don’t know. But tomorrow will be better.